I Think, Therefore Islam

I wish I was a Muslim. No one ever talks about the stylish facial hair or how fucking erotic those women look in their peephole dresses; it's all bombing this and beheading that... But say what you like about the pork-dodgers, at least they're not Christians. I'd convert tomorrow, if only I could find a sect that wouldn't rip my tongue out for drinking vodka. Then I could stop shaving and declare a fatwa on Bono. Bismillah!