Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Farewell, Sweet Tooting

I love Tooting. I was born here and I've lived here for half of my life. Tooting's got everything the urban gentleman requires - street crime, terror suspects, and the best curry houses in Britain.

But now the dream is coming to an end. As of this Sunday I will be a resident of Battersea (pronounced Bat-ter-see-ah). It's in the same borough as Tooting, but it's on a different planet. Battersea's got a dog's home, a power station, and thousands of women pushing children called Hugo and Cressida around in prams that look like 4x4s.

I feel a killing spree coming on.

Update: was this thing tailor-made for me?


Anonymous johnnyboy said...

I went to Tooting not too long ago; a drunken old man with no teeth propositioned me in a pub. Afterwards I went to your local curry house with the glowering statue and the beachside wallpaper, it was most excellent. My kind of place, Tooting. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Is Battersea the place with the big chimneys and the flying pig ? dude.

3/28/2007 01:45:00 am  
Anonymous John Brissenden said...

I suppose one more cunt in Battersea won't make too much difference.

3/29/2007 08:53:00 am  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

You know I spent 10 minutes of my valuable time Googling to see if I could find something positive about Battersea: A good bar perhaps, as you like drinking so much, some warehouse that played dodgy-thrash-noise to your liking. What did I find?

Fuck all.

Good Luck!

3/29/2007 11:39:00 pm  
Blogger Kieran said...

It's not quite Clapham, but it'll do. You know that twat who made men in the sand on southbank - the one you photographed? Well he's been given shit loads of money and his own installation.

All over Battersea, some hope and some despair.

3/30/2007 12:09:00 am  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

Tooting-related and the best piece of news I've heard in years.

"Pilgrims head to a remote jungle temple to be blessed by Steve Cooper, 32... Surrounded by followers, Steve declared: "I love being here. I don't miss anything about Tooting."

3/30/2007 01:49:00 pm  
Blogger King Of The Hill said...

Most of the women I meet up here in Islington seem to have tunnelled out of the dogs' home. Then again, perhaps like just meets like.

4/03/2007 06:08:00 pm  
Blogger Cole [tiny v] said...

From Tooting man becomes Hindu Goddess:
Steve calls himself Pamela. But his devotees have dubbed him Prema - Hindi for Divine Love.
He said: "After about 20 minutes everyone crowded around and I naturally started blessing people. When I touch people I connect with them."

E-gads bun, sounds like your dream relocation.

4/04/2007 02:51:00 pm  
Blogger hungbunny said...

Mmmm, Primula. I like the one with bits of ham in.

4/04/2007 10:55:00 pm  

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