Monday, April 30, 2007

The Lavender Hill Mob

Let there be no doubt about it: Battersea is chock-full of thick rich cunts. Today the local butcher charged the woman in front of me £35.52 for a leg of lamb. She looked like every other bint around here - blonde, baby buggy, using her sunglasses as an alice band - and she could probably have afforded the whole of Wales, but £35.52? It must have been one of those endangered one-legged Tibetan Hopping Sheep. Either that or the butcher's been watching Harry Enfield.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting nostalgic for the chavs of Tooting.

11 Comments:

Anonymous tomla said...

Ah, good old Tooting - have you found yourself returning to its streets and looking wistfully through brimming eyes at groups of be-capped little fuckers trying to nick/destroy stuff? Ah yes, golden days - you won't find little Jake or Tillie getting up to any of that outside the organic bakery...

5/01/2007 02:04:00 pm  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

Fucking ridiculous, that's how much I spend on fags a week, imagine wasting it on a leg of meat.

5/06/2007 12:35:00 am  
Anonymous BlackBart said...

I could get you a whole fucking lamb for that sort of money, there are loads of the noisey, cute little bastards in the field outside my place at the moment.

5/07/2007 09:05:00 am  
Blogger hungbunny said...

Tomla, I've been back to Tooting pretty much every day since I moved here. Worryingly a Caffé Nero has sprung up opposite the tube station - before you know it there'll be an All Bar One and a Fresh & Wild and then the place'll be fucked.

Boudica, at least they haven't banned eating hunks of dead flesh in public. Yet.

Cheers Bart, I'll take a dozen. Will you be using your longbow to dispatch them?

5/07/2007 12:30:00 pm  
Anonymous John Brissenden said...

HB, did Battersea's rich cunts surplus not kind of occur to you before you moved there?

5/07/2007 11:34:00 pm  
Blogger hungbunny said...

Yes of course, but it's surprising how many cunts one will tolerate in exchange for free rent.

5/08/2007 01:34:00 pm  
Blogger Tony.T said...

Just got me some laugh-action. Despite traces of quease, I laughed my tits off at Laurel & Hardy do Brokeback Mountain.

5/08/2007 01:45:00 pm  
Blogger rob said...

Friend of mine used to go sheep rustling with a baseball bat and an Escort van for beer-money on a friday night. There is a funny story involving a pig.

5/11/2007 02:50:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, thick rich cunts. Refreshing.

5/13/2007 11:03:00 pm  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

I try not to venture south of the river unless my usual dealer is off sick so I don't really know where all these places are. Does Battersea have anything to do with 'fanny batter', which I understand South London prostitutes have by the bucketload?

5/15/2007 08:31:00 pm  
Blogger hungbunny said...

Indeed. SW11 used to be so densely populated with whores that the high street was literally a "sea" of "batter". These days you have to go to Streatham to find that.

5/15/2007 09:55:00 pm  

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