Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Spastic Surgeons

My back operation has been postponed for the third time. I showed up at the hospital yesterday morning, signed the consent form, put on the plastic bracelets, got shown to my bed, unpacked my stuff, and then - after seven hours with no food or drink - was told my MRI scans had been archived somewhere and couldn't be found.

I was furious and relieved in equal measures. Before I signed the consent form a doctor had informed me of the risks involved. Previously I'd been led to believe there was a 1 in 10,000 chance of paralysis and "loss of sexual function", but yesterday the odds had shortened to 1 in 500. I'm seriously reconsidering whether it's worth the gamble. I mean, would you put your gonads into the hands of people who can't even file things properly?


Blogger Fearfink said...

Hmmm.... that's a pretty sharp deterioration of your odds there. Possibly try reducing it a further 499 times to take into account the complete lack of organisation, competency, humanity and care and I think you'll have an ever more realistic picture. (Forgive me Mr Foot...)

On the plus side, 7 hours without beer gives you a sizeable credit for the rest of the week.

8/01/2007 04:32:00 pm  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

You shoulda come to me, I get you cheaper.

The fuckers have pushed my tooth removal out until the end of the month, wankers. Not a great comparison but I have to get my few cents in.

8/01/2007 11:45:00 pm  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

keywords: surgeon, sexual function, hands, file, shortened

8/04/2007 02:31:00 am  
Anonymous Uncle Mikey said...

I can't wait for socialized medicine in the US, it sounds lovely.

8/04/2007 06:49:00 pm  
Blogger rob said...

It's pretty much the same; most of the time they don't kill you, sometimes they do, but either way, there isn't an enormous bill.

8/04/2007 11:27:00 pm  
Anonymous John Brissenden said...

HB, isn't pondering your risk of sexual dysfunction a little philosophical? You know, angels on the head of a pin, and all that?

8/06/2007 05:17:00 pm  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

That's exactly what I was thinking! hehehe

8/08/2007 09:18:00 pm  
Anonymous BlackBart said...

I heard you have survived! Is it true?

8/15/2007 04:23:00 pm  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

It's true!

Thank god, I haven't yet secured my place in the will..

8/15/2007 11:15:00 pm  
Blogger hungbunny said...

You heard right - wanna see my gash?

8/18/2007 06:42:00 pm  
Blogger rob said...

Blanket stitch.

8/19/2007 03:12:00 am  
Anonymous BlackBart said...

Nice wound, don't let it go gammy. as for the loss of sexual function, just move to the highlands!

8/20/2007 09:33:00 pm  
Blogger Bock the Robber said...

I've put my gonads into the hands of people who do filing.

9/01/2007 01:13:00 am  
Blogger rob said...

are you dead, or what?

9/16/2007 07:29:00 pm  
Blogger hungbunny said...

I'm alive, but this blog is looking pretty terminal...

9/17/2007 11:29:00 am  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

I can't believe you've actually stuck it out this long without caving and posting.

(btw, phones broken)

9/19/2007 10:30:00 pm  
Blogger hungbunny said...

What's amazing is that I've resisted the temptation to delete it.

Did you leave it in the washing machine?

9/21/2007 10:46:00 am  
Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

Well I'm very impressed with your urge control.

No this time it actually broke. Didn't require par-boiling or tumble-drying or anything like that.

9/22/2007 01:24:00 am  

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